Jul
182017

The Potato Metaphor for Emotional Labor

Have you had the experience where a friend comes to you for support and you find it quite easy to give it to them? It may not be effortless for you (it’s still labor), but the way your friend shows up with their feelings makes it much easier to offer that labor. On the flip side, has someone come to you for support and it feels exhaustingto give it to…

Jul
182017

5 Self-Care Strategies That Aren’t Fucking Mani-Pedis

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been tired the last couple weeks. Like existentially tired. The current political climate is testing the limits of my emotional resources in ways that I haven’t quite experienced before. I find myself, more than ever, drawing on the practices that help me regroup and recharge so I can participate in life in the ways I want. But self-care isn’t easy for many…

May
092017

What’s Missing from the Empathy Conversation

We hear a lot about empathy these days. Barack Obama spoke repeatedly about the need for it. It shows up in corporate mission statements. There are dozens of books, TED talks, and articles written with a rallying call for more empathy in the world. I’m glad empathy is getting more airtime. If there was ever a need for more empathy, it’s today in our divisive political…

Dec
312016

20 Things I’m Celebrating That Happened to Me in 2016

What a year, amirite? Like everyone else in my sphere, I’ve been feeling the weight of the election and the uncertainty of the future. It’s been a very full 52 weeks. I cannot think of another year of my life that has been so full of change on a personal level. It’s felt like 2016 has been the year that I disassembled and learned what…

Jul
252016

Teaching with My Professional Soulmate

I’ve had a powerful last six weeks. If you’ve been following my adventures on Instagram, you’d know I’ve been touring the US and teaching with my professional soulmate, Louise Bourchier. She’s based in Auckland, so we don’t get to see each other as often as we’d like. Louise and I met while we were both getting our Masters in Public Health in Melbourne, Australia (click…

May
242016

What Manually Pleasuring Your iPhone Can Teach You about Female Orgasms: A Review of OMGYES

If you haven’t yet heard of OMGYES, let me have the pleasure of introducing you. It’s a website devoted to teaching specific, evidence-based techniques for delighting vulvas. I think it’s a fabulous resource for upgrading your masturbation and for learning how to pleasure female partners. OMGYES made headlines earlier this year after Emma Watson mentioned it during an interview with Gloria Steinem, so it’s getting…

Apr
142016

8 of My Self-Care Strategies That You’re Welcome to Steal

Recently, someone called me “The Self-Care Queen.” It’s one of my favorite compliments I’ve ever received. Self-care is absolutely necessary if we want to have the bandwidth to fully show up for others. As a chronic migraineur, I have to be especially vigilant about my self-care because if I ignore it, I will end up in the pain cave, of no use to anyone (and,…

Mar
242016

#Migrainegrams: Things to Say That Are More Empathetic Than “I Hope You Feel Better”

Most of the people who come to my workshops and read my articles are interested in how to make their romantic relationships better. But as I’ve been talking more about what it’s like to live with chronic migraine, I’ve been getting a lot more questions from other migraineurs about their friends and family. These fellow migraineurs tell me about how when they share what’s going on…

Mar
212016

“Anti-Empathy”: The 5 Cockblocks to Connection

Being seen and heard is one of my favorite experiences. There’s nothing quite like that moment where you feel like someone is totally listening and making space for your feels. It’s empathy in action. My most treasured friendships have this feeling in abundance, but I recognize that empathy can be a scarce resource in many people’s lives. Some people tell me that when they are…

Mar
072016

The Migraine Cave: Where I’ve Been Lately

I’ve been getting some lovely emails from folks asking, “Kate, where’d you go? Why has your blog gone dark?” So here I am to explain my absence and let you know what I’m up to next. As some of you may have guessed, I’ve been having an especially rough time with my migraines. In the last half of last year, I had an eight-week continuous…

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