The Potato Metaphor for Emotional Labor

Have you had the experience where a friend comes to you for support and you find it quite easy to give it to them? It may not be effortless for you (it’s still labor), but the way your friend shows up with their feelings makes it much easier to offer that labor. On the flip side, has someone come to you for support and it feels exhaustingto give it to…


5 Self-Care Strategies That Aren’t Fucking Mani-Pedis

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been tired the last couple weeks. Like existentially tired. The current political climate is testing the limits of my emotional resources in ways that I haven’t quite experienced before. I find myself, more than ever, drawing on the practices that help me regroup and recharge so I can participate in life in the ways I want. But self-care isn’t easy for many…


What’s Missing from the Empathy Conversation

We hear a lot about empathy these days. Barack Obama spoke repeatedly about the need for it. It shows up in corporate mission statements. There are dozens of books, TED talks, and articles written with a rallying call for more empathy in the world. I’m glad empathy is getting more airtime. If there was ever a need for more empathy, it’s today in our divisive political…


Teaching with My Professional Soulmate

I’ve had a powerful last six weeks. If you’ve been following my adventures on Instagram, you’d know I’ve been touring the US and teaching with my professional soulmate, Louise Bourchier. She’s based in Auckland, so we don’t get to see each other as often as we’d like. Louise and I met while we were both getting our Masters in Public Health in Melbourne, Australia (click…


8 of My Self-Care Strategies That You’re Welcome to Steal

Recently, someone called me “The Self-Care Queen.” It’s one of my favorite compliments I’ve ever received. Self-care is absolutely necessary if we want to have the bandwidth to fully show up for others. As a chronic migraineur, I have to be especially vigilant about my self-care because if I ignore it, I will end up in the pain cave, of no use to anyone (and,…


#Migrainegrams: Things to Say That Are More Empathetic Than “I Hope You Feel Better”

Most of the people who come to my workshops and read my articles are interested in how to make their romantic relationships better. But as I’ve been talking more about what it’s like to live with chronic migraine, I’ve been getting a lot more questions from other migraineurs about their friends and family. These fellow migraineurs tell me about how when they share what’s going on…


“Anti-Empathy”: The 5 Cockblocks to Connection

Being seen and heard is one of my favorite experiences. There’s nothing quite like that moment where you feel like someone is totally listening and making space for your feels. It’s empathy in action. My most treasured friendships have this feeling in abundance, but I recognize that empathy can be a scarce resource in many people’s lives. Some people tell me that when they are…


The Migraine Cave: Where I’ve Been Lately

I’ve been getting some lovely emails from folks asking, “Kate, where’d you go? Why has your blog gone dark?” So here I am to explain my absence and let you know what I’m up to next. As some of you may have guessed, I’ve been having an especially rough time with my migraines. In the last half of last year, I had an eight-week continuous…


#WishIdLearned: Sex and Emotional Literacy Educator Karen B.K. Chan

The first time I saw Karen B.K. Chan’s wildly popular YouTube video “Jam,” I cried. It remains to be some of the most powerful sex ed I’ve ever seen – especially in under six minutes. Years later, I was speaking at Playground conference and low and behold, Karen was also speaking. I sent her the fangirl-iest email I’ve ever sent and we made plans to have dinner…


My favorite sensual writing ritual

When I went to the incredible Alt Summit, I had the pleasure of meeting Sara Blette from Make My Notebook. We connected immediately and before long, we were hatching plans for a blog collaboration. Sara is obsessed with writing rituals (just like me), so she invited me to share one of my own. It can help you feel more sensual and connected to your body….

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