The Potato Metaphor for Emotional Labor

Have you had the experience where a friend comes to you for support and you find it quite easy to give it to them? It may not be effortless for you (it’s still labor), but the way your friend shows up with their feelings makes it much easier to offer that labor. On the flip side, has someone come to you for support and it feels exhaustingto give it to…


5 Self-Care Strategies That Aren’t Fucking Mani-Pedis

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been tired the last couple weeks. Like existentially tired. The current political climate is testing the limits of my emotional resources in ways that I haven’t quite experienced before. I find myself, more than ever, drawing on the practices that help me regroup and recharge so I can participate in life in the ways I want. But self-care isn’t easy for many…


What’s Missing from the Empathy Conversation

We hear a lot about empathy these days. Barack Obama spoke repeatedly about the need for it. It shows up in corporate mission statements. There are dozens of books, TED talks, and articles written with a rallying call for more empathy in the world. I’m glad empathy is getting more airtime. If there was ever a need for more empathy, it’s today in our divisive political…


20 Things I’m Celebrating That Happened to Me in 2016

What a year, amirite? Like everyone else in my sphere, I’ve been feeling the weight of the election and the uncertainty of the future. It’s been a very full 52 weeks. I cannot think of another year of my life that has been so full of change on a personal level. It’s felt like 2016 has been the year that I disassembled and learned what…


Teaching with My Professional Soulmate

I’ve had a powerful last six weeks. If you’ve been following my adventures on Instagram, you’d know I’ve been touring the US and teaching with my professional soulmate, Louise Bourchier. She’s based in Auckland, so we don’t get to see each other as often as we’d like. Louise and I met while we were both getting our Masters in Public Health in Melbourne, Australia (click…


“Anti-Empathy”: The 5 Cockblocks to Connection

Being seen and heard is one of my favorite experiences. There’s nothing quite like that moment where you feel like someone is totally listening and making space for your feels. It’s empathy in action. My most treasured friendships have this feeling in abundance, but I recognize that empathy can be a scarce resource in many people’s lives. Some people tell me that when they are…


The Migraine Cave: Where I’ve Been Lately

I’ve been getting some lovely emails from folks asking, “Kate, where’d you go? Why has your blog gone dark?” So here I am to explain my absence and let you know what I’m up to next. As some of you may have guessed, I’ve been having an especially rough time with my migraines. In the last half of last year, I had an eight-week continuous…


How to Create Everyday Adventures in Your Relationship

As I write this, I’m sitting in an adorable B&B in Middlebury, Vermont. It’s the kind of place that feels old, charming, and totally unlike where I grew up in Northern California. I’m here because for the last several days, I’ve had the privilege of teaching the incredible students at Middlebury College. We’ve talked about relationship communication, pleasure physiology, and a whole host of other topics…


Why You Should Ask This Question Before Trying to Cheer Someone Up

The other day, I was feeling kind of meh. It wasn’t depressed exactly – just the opposite of confident. Sometimes, when I have several days in a row in which I get migraines and I don’t socialize, I can feel a sort of malaise that affects my confidence about work. When I met a friend for tea, she clearly noticed I wasn’t feeling awesome. After listening…


5 Ways “Linguistic Precision” Will Make Your Life More Awesome

The folks in my life know that I’m a little obsessed with “linguistic precision” – the art of finding the most accurate words to describe the thing you want to say. I love linguistic precision because I think it’s as close as we humans can get to a Vulcan mind meld. Language can be imprecise at the best of times, so I encourage people to make…

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