May
242016

What Manually Pleasuring Your iPhone Can Teach You about Female Orgasms: A Review of OMGYES

iPad stimulation If you haven’t yet heard of OMGYES, let me have the pleasure of introducing you. It’s a website devoted to teaching specific, evidence-based techniques for delighting vulvas. I think it’s a fabulous resource for upgrading your masturbation and for learning how to pleasure female partners.

OMGYES made headlines earlier this year after Emma Watson mentioned it during an interview with Gloria Steinem, so it’s getting some well-deserved feminist buzz.

All of the techniques featured are based on 1,000 in depth interviews and a nationally-representative survey of an additional 1,000 women about what does it for them sexually. For $29 (a one-time fee), users get access to twelve chapters in “Season One.” In each chapter, you watch a video with a woman talking about a specific technique she enjoys. Then (and this is the really cool part) you get an interactive video that allows you to demonstrate the technique on the woman’s actual vulva.

It’s not a webcam – it’s an amalgamation of videos that respond to your input. On a computer, you do the techniques with your mouse. On your tablet or phone, you’re doing them with your hand (much more helpful, I found). You’re basically masturbating your digital device. What a time to be alive.

diana-hand-demoThe woman in the simulation video responds based on how you’re doing the technique (“A little more gently.” or “Higher please.”). She guides you to doing what she previously described in the video. It’s one of the coolest tools I’ve ever seen for sexual technique and sexual communication.

One of the things I often say in my workshops is that technique without communication skills is limited in its value. You can know all the sexual techniques in the world, but if you can’t communicate with a partner, it’s difficult to create optimal sex. People like different things.

There is no “signature move” that works on all bodies, especially when those bodies have vulvas.

The site talks about how “complexity” gets confused with “unknowability.” They argue that the discourse around “all women’s bodies are different” can reinforce the idea that women are confusing, and therefore unknowable, in what they want sexually. They found that while the women in their research like different things, there are lots of overlapping Venn diagrams of what they enjoy. For each chapter, they list that “6.5 out of 10” or “8 out of 10” women like a particular technique.

I’m obsessed with linguistic precision. It seems that the folks behind OMGYES share my passion for finding that exact word that describes what you want in bed. Every time I teach a workshop on sexual communication, I talk about the crucial role linguistic precision plays in negotiating pleasure. I meet so many women who either don’t know what they want, or they know what they want, but don’t know how to ask for it. This site helps with both of those knowledge gaps.

Pleasure TermsThe site is broken up into different, linguistically precise terms for pleasuring techniques, with headings like “hinting,” “accenting,” and “layering.” Having a single word helps feedback be more efficient when that technique is actually happening. “More layering, please” is easier to say in the moment than “Can you gently stimulate my clit, but only through the hood on top?”

When both partners know the words and techniques, it makes guiding pleasure easier.

Dr. Debby Herbenick, one of the researchers behind the study, compares this language to cooking. We learn what the difference between a teaspoon and a tablespoon is, and how grilling is different from sautéing. But we don’t have similar linguistic precision around sex.

She says it would be like if you had a recipe that said, “add baking soda” without a universally understood measurement of how much. You might get it right, or you might ruin the dish. Sex advice listicles say things like “stimulate the clit in a circular motion,” but are totally unclear about how large a circle, what rhythm to use, and how much pressure to apply.

To take the food/recipe analogy further, the site mentions that the techniques should be thought of as ingredients, not recipes. They’re meant to be tweaked, customized, and combined to create a bespoke sexual experience.

Again, women may be complex, but they are not unknowable.

My only criticism of the site is that it’s not trans*-inclusive. Many of the women represented on OMGYES are queer and people of color, but trans* experiences aren’t represented. The site’s creators do acknowledge that the current season does not reflect total diversity, and they add that they hope to highlight more diverse experiences in future seasons.

zoey-kneesOverall, I think OMGYES is an incredible resource for people wanting to learn more about pleasure and communication. When people can learn, from the privacy of their own devices, advanced clit-stimulating techniques, the world will be a better place.

Note: Some of these links are affiliate links, which means that if you purchase something from that URL, I’ll get a small percentage of the sale. I never share links for products or services I don’t totally endorse. If you choose to buy, you have my gratitude for supporting me and my work. 

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