Relationships

Jul
182017

The Potato Metaphor for Emotional Labor

Have you had the experience where a friend comes to you for support and you find it quite easy to give it to them? It may not be effortless for you (it’s still labor), but the way your friend shows up with their feelings makes it much easier to offer that labor. On the flip side, has someone come to you for support and it feels exhaustingto give it to…

May
092017

What’s Missing from the Empathy Conversation

We hear a lot about empathy these days. Barack Obama spoke repeatedly about the need for it. It shows up in corporate mission statements. There are dozens of books, TED talks, and articles written with a rallying call for more empathy in the world. I’m glad empathy is getting more airtime. If there was ever a need for more empathy, it’s today in our divisive political…

Jul
252016

Teaching with My Professional Soulmate

I’ve had a powerful last six weeks. If you’ve been following my adventures on Instagram, you’d know I’ve been touring the US and teaching with my professional soulmate, Louise Bourchier. She’s based in Auckland, so we don’t get to see each other as often as we’d like. Louise and I met while we were both getting our Masters in Public Health in Melbourne, Australia (click…

Apr
142016

8 of My Self-Care Strategies That You’re Welcome to Steal

Recently, someone called me “The Self-Care Queen.” It’s one of my favorite compliments I’ve ever received. Self-care is absolutely necessary if we want to have the bandwidth to fully show up for others. As a chronic migraineur, I have to be especially vigilant about my self-care because if I ignore it, I will end up in the pain cave, of no use to anyone (and,…

Mar
242016

#Migrainegrams: Things to Say That Are More Empathetic Than “I Hope You Feel Better”

Most of the people who come to my workshops and read my articles are interested in how to make their romantic relationships better. But as I’ve been talking more about what it’s like to live with chronic migraine, I’ve been getting a lot more questions from other migraineurs about their friends and family. These fellow migraineurs tell me about how when they share what’s going on…

Mar
212016

“Anti-Empathy”: The 5 Cockblocks to Connection

Being seen and heard is one of my favorite experiences. There’s nothing quite like that moment where you feel like someone is totally listening and making space for your feels. It’s empathy in action. My most treasured friendships have this feeling in abundance, but I recognize that empathy can be a scarce resource in many people’s lives. Some people tell me that when they are…

Mar
072016

The Migraine Cave: Where I’ve Been Lately

I’ve been getting some lovely emails from folks asking, “Kate, where’d you go? Why has your blog gone dark?” So here I am to explain my absence and let you know what I’m up to next. As some of you may have guessed, I’ve been having an especially rough time with my migraines. In the last half of last year, I had an eight-week continuous…

Aug
192015

What I Wish I’d Learned: Sex is a Team Effort

JoEllen Notte is the writer and sex educator behind The Redhead Bedhead. While she’s busy “saving the world from mediocre sex,” she took the time to share what she wishes she had learned earlier about sex and relationships: I wish I had known that sex is something partners engage in together. Younger me definitely viewed sex as an adversarial situation, one where men wanted and pursued it…

Aug
122015

What I Wish I’d Learned: My Needs Are Equal to My Partner’s

I have been loving the chance to share what many of my smart, empathetic friends and colleagues wish they had learned earlier about sex and relationships through the #WishIdLearned story series. Today’s lesson comes from Mollie Parks, who finds and shares beauty through vulnerability as a makeup artist and blogger: I wish I had learned that sex was an act between always willing partners. Growing up in “purity culture” I was…

Aug
052015

What I Wish I’d Learned: There’s No One-Size-Fits-All Approach to Sex

Rick A. Aguilar, MPH is a public health and marketing consultant who is passionate about sexuality, sexual, and reproductive health issues. His work on the intersection of social media and public health has been presented across the United States. Here’s what he wishes he’d learned earlier in life about sex and relationships. There’s no such thing as a one-size-fits-all type of sex or relationship. If…

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